I'M HOME!

i love my bed:)

This is kinda how I feel about life. Please excuse the cornieness.

Thank you Dixie Chicks:p

I need to do something

Like, go somewhere. Kinda like in "Yes Man" when they just hop on a plane to Nebraska. I want to do that. Something spontaneous and completely stupid. But it would be fun. And I just want to do something crazy. I need a little adventure in my life dammit.


Sidenote: I played laser tag tonight with some APO brothers for Zach's birhday. And I had a blast. It was sooo much fun. This one random guy on the other team (in 1 of the 5 games) and I stood in the same place for a 2 or 3 minutes trying to shoot each other before the other. And he got me every damn time. Doucher. But after the game he came up to me and thanked me for making the game fun lol. So yay me:)

I'm so tired. I'm just going to get up early and do homework. I'm obviously not doing it now...

Oh well. Eating pretzel sticks and going to bed in a few:) Stay class St Charles :)

I love this song..

Title:

I had a pretty good weekend. The orchestra concert went well. My dad came up for it, so that was nice. We got to have some Ashley-Daddy time. I miss talking to him. We used to be really close.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. Psychology was canceled and we got out of chem early:) The movie we watched in History of Film was 70's-tastic. And there was no orchestra!:) I got to just hang out with my friends and it was a lot of fun:)

Today, I got my schedule for this summer and next semester, and here it is:
Summer--World History..yay
Next semester:
MWF
8--Principles of Financial Accounting
10--Oral Communication
11--Precalculus
1--Marching Band

TR
11--Organic Chemistry 1
2:30--Organic Lab (only Tuesday)
2:30--Orchestra (only Thursday)

I think that's a really disgusting schedule but whatever. Hopefully it wont be as bad as I think it will be.


Also! After standing in line for an hour and a half, Alysha, Kim and I signed up for housing and we got our house! I'm so excited:) We get our own rooms and we can get a microwave and a toaster! And we can decorate however we want:) I'm pumped:)

Yesterday!

• I woke up at 3am with the most horrible itching bug bites on my ankles. I had to stumble across my room mostly blind and in the dark looking for my desk drawer for my Hydrocortisone cream. It was awesome.
• I almost had a panic attack in lab yesterday morning. I hate math. hate. Hate. HATE. And Chem 2 is all about math. And I couldnt figure out how to do it. I was freakin out, no joke. It was no good
• I understood what we talked about in Biostatistics!! YAY!
• I went to my first LSGA (Lindenwood Student Government Association) meeting! I have to go because I was elected the Public Relations chairperson for APO, and it was actually a lot of fun!
• The Perks of Being a Wallflower came in the mail today! I love that book..(And today I have started rereading it for the fifty billionth time)
  
• I did a grocery store drive with my (co-ed) service frat, Alpha Phi Omega, at Schnucks. I spent 3 hours saying “Hi! We’re doing a Soldier Supply Drive so we can send care packages overseas! This has a list of some random things that we could really use to help us out!” blah blah blah. I have this really “awesome” fear of approaching people and talking to them (which is why I failed as a hostess…). So I was really scared at first:/ But I got into a groove and it was actually a lot of fun. I love doing things like that:)
• And at this event, I got to spend time with some really awesome people :)
• I feel like I got some much needed closure. It wasn’t much, but i think it helped:)

So I talked to my mom today.

And I pretty much unloaded everything that's been going on in my life. I don't talk to my mom much because I don't really feel like she wants to make time for me all the time or whatever. Idk, it's kinda weird.

But it felt good to just let it all go. Just everything, getting broken up with (again..), getting in a huge fight with a friend and not talking to her since it happened, failing my midterm, my best friend in the entire world telling me she feels like I've replaced her with school friends:/

It sucks, but I'm moving forward. That's all I can do. There's no point on dwelling on stupid things that hurt me. I'ma strong brave woman, and I do what I gotta do. That was super lame. But whatever lol:p

I don't really know what to say..

I've just had a pretty hellacious week so far. And it's only Wednesday.

I'm very excited for this weekend because I have absolutely no plans for Saturday! And as long as I can get through next week, then I'll be able to go home for spring break and all will be good:)

Just gotta get through this week first..

blahblahblah

i dont have much to say. i need to finish some homework. i get have a super awesome convo later. yay.

i'm ready for spring break. i want to go home. i need to get away from here for awhile. the sooner the better.

ugh.

super sleepy, super weekend

i'm tired. and i hope this weekend doesnt suck.

tonight: battle of the bands. i'm going. i'm not like, jumping for joy lol, but i guess i'm kinda excited? idk, i'm only going because paul's band is playing lol

tomorrow: sleeping in! and i'm getting certified at the Humane Society in the early afternoon. i'm kind of pumped about that. then finishing up some homework. nothing to do tomorrow night though:/

sunday: sleeping in again! and i'm not sure. no plans!


wooooooooooot. i like weekends. i don't want to go to school next week. bah.

Is it worth it?

I want it to be. But I don't really know anymore.

So I have this really bad habit

Of going pee with the door open. Like, I close the main door to the bathroom..but for some reason, I can't get myself to close the door with just the toilet. Idk why. I think it's because like, at home my room is in the basement, and I have my own bathroom. And like no one else goes down there. So I don't ever worrry about closing the door lol. But I kind of have this feeling that some day, Alysha (my roommate) or Jasmine (my suitemate) is going to just burst into the bathroom needing to wash their hands or brush their teeth or something.

That would be embarrassing.

Sorry for the tmi. You know you love me:)

Love, Ash :)

Today was a little rough...

Lots of thoughts. Lots of talking. Just lots of stuff.

I was nominated tonight for the new Public Relations chair for APO. I'm actually pretty excited about it. I think I could do a pretty good job of it...at least I hope:p

After dinner, before the APO meeting, Kim and I were leaving Spellmann to go to Butler for the meeting and it was pouring down rain. She was like "we should wait til it lightens up to go over there..." and I was like SRSLY?! "Let's just go!" So we took off our shoes, rolled up our pants, and had Elizabeth carry everything. And we ran from Spellmann to Butler (which is a pretty good distance). I couldn't breathe, my foot was killing me, and I was soaking wet. But for some reason it felt so good to do. I know it's just running in the rain, but I felt so like, carefree and silly. It made me feel a lot better.


Today has been kind of rough. I don't particularly want to talk about it here. But it got better as the day progressed. The hug at the end of the night was the best:) And it most definitely made my day:)

Do it to it Lars

You're about to get rocked. Get ready.

So much on my mind..

What the hell am I doing? Because I'm not entirely sure.

School is hitting me really hard this semester. I try to act like it isn't that bad..but I'm not doing that well. I do all of the work and study my ass off...but I can still do more. And I obviously need to start doing more or I'll have C's this semester. And that just won't do for me. It's just going to be even more hard because I'm already stressed out with the work I have now:/ bahhhh

I don't know if I can be a chem major. It's the only thing I've ever really loved and been really happy to do. I can't do math/history/english/art/music/pretty much anything else. But the work is so hard..and I don't really have the confidence in myself to be able to do it. I guess I just need to work on that.

I really just need someone to talk to. I know I can talk to my friends here...but I can't talk about everything I need to talk about with everyone. The little and big things. I need someone to pillow talk with. I can't really just call Sara from home and start talking about how much the caf food sucks, or how much chem is kicking my ass. She's not here and wouldn't totally understand. Idk. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this one.


This damn weight thing is really bothering me. If you don't know already, I went to the doctor the other day with a foot sprain. On the sheet given to me before I left, it said.....
You Have Been Diagnosed With:
foot sprain
obesity

Um, seriously? I know I'm not a twig...but I don't think I'm obese. I was actually kind of offended that they put that on there. There's nothing I can do about it, so it's pretty much just whatever, but I mean, seriously? lol I actually thought it was somewhat amusing.

Speaking of the obese thing, a little bit ago, I saw a commercial for a weight loss work out thingy. And I was just sitting there thinking "I'm happy enough with my body to not need to pay to change it." I LOVE my body. Yeah, having a big ass gets in the way. And having big boobs makes buying new shirts annoying sometimes. But I love the way I look. I mean, I would like to lose a few pounds, mostly for health issues, but c'mon. I look good! lol I like my figure! I'm not going to spend hundreds of dollars to try to lose weight just because someone thinks I'm fat or don't look right! That's just absurd to me...I actually pity those girls who don't feel that way. Yeah, I have my insecurities that pop up here and there, but I like who I am and I'm comfy in my own skin. And if you have a problem with it, well, then you can suck it.


And that is all.
Goodnight.
Love, Ash

ooga booga wah-cha!

So I'm home. And I'm enjoying the time to just chill out. Last night, I was in Columbia with my mom. I was invited to a few parties, but I stayed in and just hung out with my mom and stepdad. I went to bed at 10:30! It was awesome:)

Today, I came home and visited with my dad and stepmom for a bit. We had a lot to catch up on. Then I went to my childhood friends, Mary, baby shower. I haven't seen her or any of the girls there in quite a while. So it was good to catch up :) After that I went to the mall and bought 5 pairs of cotton butt-covering panties from Victoria's Secret..they were having a sale! :) Then I came home and am spending the evening with my dad, stepmom, and little sister. I'm going to work on some homework and just chill. It's very relaxing, not worrying about anything and being able to just hang out at home:)

Tomorrow, I'm going to pick Paul up at the Jeff City Trailhead on the Katy Trail. We're going to go out to eat with my parents, then head back to school at some point. It should be a truely pleasant experience:p

Overall, a good weekend. I'm happy to be away from school for a little while. I almost don't want to go back tomorrow..but if I don't, my parents will drive me insane lol. So it's good to get away for awhile. But I'll be happy to go back and see/spend time with my friends:)

I am going home tomorrow:)

And I am super pumped for it:) I haven't been home in about 2 1/2 months. It's not as bad as some people..but I really miss it. I'll get to see my parents and I'll be able to sleep in my own bed! I'm really excited:)

Forever 21 has heard my cries!

They're launching a plus-size line!!

I know I'm not that big of a person..but Forever 21 is really limited to their sizes. They have some super cute clothes, but I've got broad shoulders, big boobs, and big hips. So this is very exciting news!!

I'm suuuuper excited:) Big girls need love too:)

The article is here.

I don't even know what to say.

I'm ridiculous. I overthink everything. I hate it. I quit.

Oh wow...I lol'd

I'm blogging just for you.

This is a very true statement. You always make me smile, even when I don't want to :)





Again, very true. Whether you like it or not, you make me feel this way:p





Maybe not until 3:15 am...but I do think about you a lot:p





I want you to be happy. I care about what you do, but I'm never going to tell you what to do. As long as you're still alive and safe and happy, I'm happy too. If you want to go on a ridiculously long and potentially unsafe bike ride all summer..go for it, just as long as you let me know you're still alive:)





...this summer...

I haven't been home since January 5th.

It has been almost two full months since I have been home. It's not that I haven't wanted to go home, I've just been super busy. And now I'm to the point where I almost need to go back. I miss my parents and my bed and just laying around the house. I feel silly, but there's no stress at home like there is here. I miss my home and just everything.

I know I've been kind of edgy and bitchy lately. But I've been so stressed..the damn musical, my classes are kicking my ass. And all I really want is a hug. Particularly a hug from my dad. But a hug in general, like a big meaningful "Everything is going to be okay" hug would be awesome.

But I'll be better soon. Just tired. Physically, emotionally, every other kind of -ally possible. I'm sick of being here. I want to go home. Then I'll be good.

Blah. That is all.

Disney Movies=Lack of good parental relationships

The other day, while sitting in the pit, Atena and I were discussing how there are practically no strong parental relationships aka, mom and dad together and happy.

Examples:
The Lion King: mom and dad in the beginning, then dad dies, movie goes to shit, happy ending
Aladdin: Aladdin has no parents; Jasmine doesn't have a mom
Pocahontas: no mom
Cinderella: no mom, dad dies in the beginning, stuck with evil stepmother
Sleeping Beauty: never seen it
Toy Story: where's the dad?
Snow White: no parents, stuck with evil stepmother
The Little Mermaid: where's mom?
Beauty and the Beast: no mom

Movies with good parental relationships:
Mulan: BUT men dominate in China, so whatever
The Incredibles: yet there was still conflict because dad was hiding things


What are they really saying to children? People wonder why children have such a hard time getting along with their parents. We've grown up watching these movies, and we see these relationships that the characters have with their parents. It's hard not to relate to some of them. And America wonders why it's divorce rate is so high..