Almost November

So there are only 3 days left in October. I feel like this semester is seriously just flying by, and I have nothing to show for it but crappy grades and a serious of breakdowns.

This semester has been really rough for me. Some may not know that because I don't really like to talk about it with everyone. My classes are much harder this semester and I've been experiencing a severe lack of motivation. I'm very aware that this is not good, so I got myself in gear and studied for my organic test for 6 straight days. And I failed it. And then I called my dad and cried it out. I was a bit of a wreck on Tuesday because I worked so hard and I looked like I didn't try at all. I was so disappointed in myself. I love chemistry, but everytime I fail, I have more thoughts about whether or not this is what I should be doing. However, I don't like anything else, and like I said, I like chemistry. So I'm kind of not sure what I should do :/. But my dad did say that he would pay for a professional tutor for me if I needed it. That might help, but I don't want to be that sister who can't even pass her classes for her major....but that's a totally different emotional rant.

Other than classes, I've been dealing with people. People who say they want to be my friends but then treat me like crap. I'm a person too, okay? Just in case you were unaware, I wanted to give you that reminder. I have feelings and I don't like to be fucked with. I've been fucked over so many times in the last few months by people who I trusted with everything and I'm really sick of it. So (in case you haven't noticed), I've take a step back. I haven't been around a lot lately and I've been keeping to myself. I'm tired of listening to people bitch about one another and I'm tired of being the butt of a lot of jokes.


OH. And don't tell me that I need to learn how to "deal with life better". I'm 19. I'm still growing up. I call my dad like every other day and rant, sometimes cry. But that's what I do. That's my life. I'm still learning and becoming the person I'm going to become. And if you don't like it, then don't fucking talk to me! It's that easy! *gasp*


Also, there's APO. Running for VP of Membership for this semester was probably not the best idea. I'm having fun with it, but it's stressing me the fuck out. Luckily, there's only two weeks until the pledges become activated as brothers and my job is pretty much done. But I will not be running for an office next semester seeing as I have a very busy schedule next semester already planned out.

Speaking of next semester....I'm taking (for sure) Organic Chem 2, Analytical Chem, and Precalc. And probably some gen ed that I throw in there to get an easy A. I'll be in lab 3 days a week next semester. So if you don't see me very much, I'll probably be in the library, hibernating, or dead. Just to be optimistic and all.



I'm really ready for this semester to be over. Actually, I'm really ready for this year to be over. This is not fun. College is supposed to be fun right? But you know, I'm learning a lot about myself. And about other people. But I guess that's what college is all about....