January:
A rough start to the year. The end of Christmas break was quite interesting. I hung out with Alex a lot. As well as my girls. But things were back to normal with him. Things were no longer awkward. Then J-term started. And things started to go back to normal at school, which is what I wanted, but I knew wasn't for the best. Relationships continued to grow.
February:
Second semester. I was in the pit for Wizard of Oz. It took up a lot of time and I was quickly behind in my classes and in APO. I was definitely out of the loop on a lot of things. While I had fun, I won't do it again. It took up too much time and it was rather stressful. Relationships started again and I was really really happy.
March:
I don't remember much about March. Other than getting broken up with (for the second time).
April:
Also don't remember much about April. Other than getting back together. Again.
May:
MY BIRTHDAY! My party was epic on many levels. There were so many hookups that night, and none of them involved me. Now that's depressing. The semester ended and everyone left. Kim and I cried in her room before she left. I cried when he left. A couple days later, I moved into the campus house that I would be staying in for summer school.
Oh summer school. Cleaning dorms for 6 hours a day is not all that great. Freshman boys dorms are the grossest things ever. With that and having World History every day for 2 hours, I was beat. I lived alone in a 2 bedroom duplex with no cable or internet for 4 weeks. It was the first time I'd ever lived alone and it was scary as fuck.
But then Kim came to visit! And we roadtripped to KC for APO's Membership Academy. It will be a weekend that will NEVER be forgotten. Meeting boys from northern Minnesota and me getting alcohol poisoning the next day. (And throwing up 8 times, including once on the highway -- I-70 will never be the same).
June:
Summer school ended! My parents started construction on the new kitchen! I went to visit Kim!! 13 hours on a train was well worth it. I FINALLY got to meet Roni and she did my hair :P We had a blast. Definitely the highlight of my summer :)
We were back together. And he left on his trip. And I cried. Because that's what I do.
July:
He met someone else. And broke up with me in a text message.
I didn't hang out with anyone.
I watched a lot of Smallville on DVD on my laptop in my bedroom.
August:
Finally started hanging out with people at home again. Wasn't really ready to go back to school to face anyone. Especially him. Got into a pretty good routine. Rush went well and things were going alright. Though, I hated my classes.
September:
The only thing I remember about September is that Kim and I went to a lot of parties... Including EPIC WEEKEND. Three days in a row of getting drunk and making bad decisions. The best quote ever by me came from this weekend: "This is not a walk of shame. This is a walk of victory."
October:
Received another text message (from a different guy) telling me that he was dating someone else now. That feels awesome.
I finally started buckling down on my organic chemistry. That class is a bitch.
I also started my job in October.
November:
November was calm. I activated 10 new brothers into APO. I didn't really hang out with anyone. I started to really enjoy my job.
December:
I worked my ass off to get the grades I got: A in Speech, B in Astronomy, C in Chemistry, A in Band.
I finally decided to let it all go. I can't do anything to change the decisions of others. And instead of getting pissed about it, I just don't care. It doesn't affect me anymore. And instead of pretending like it does, I've just let it go. 2009 was a hard year. And I kind of made it that way, because I couldn't let go.
So it's time to grow up. I'm turning 20 this year. This is the first time in 4 years that I'm not dating someone or even have a crush on anyone. And that's really for the best. I need to focus on school. I have more important things to worry about than some asshole who is going to treat me like crap.
So hello 2010. It's very nice to see you.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Monday, November 30, 2009
Two thousand nine
There is one month left of this semester and with that is only 8 days left of school, 2 weeks of work, Christmas and New Years. So I feel alright writing this post early.
2009 has not treated me well.
I have been through a lot of rough times from day one.
I got my heart broken this year.
I lost my best friend from high school.
I got broken up with in a text message. Twice.
My grades haven't been that great.
I've lost all desire for school.
This has really been the semester from hell.
My summer was awful.
My home life is pretty much nonexistent. My friends from home don't even talk to me anymore.
But the good parts of 2009, though few and far between, are still important.
I grew so much closer to Kim. She's my best friend in the entire world and I love her so much.
I also grew so much closer to David, who has always been there for me every time I needed him.
My dad and I have remained close. He helped me through a lot.
Every day gets better. Every day is a new day. 2010 is not going to be as bad as 2009. I let my guard down this year. I was a pansy and I'm not usually like that. He got to me, but I'm not letting that happen ever again. With anyone. Especially him.
I'm a young, strong, beautiful woman. I intend on being successful and happy, and I'm not letting anyone get in my way anymore.
2009 has not treated me well.
I have been through a lot of rough times from day one.
I got my heart broken this year.
I lost my best friend from high school.
I got broken up with in a text message. Twice.
My grades haven't been that great.
I've lost all desire for school.
This has really been the semester from hell.
My summer was awful.
My home life is pretty much nonexistent. My friends from home don't even talk to me anymore.
But the good parts of 2009, though few and far between, are still important.
I grew so much closer to Kim. She's my best friend in the entire world and I love her so much.
I also grew so much closer to David, who has always been there for me every time I needed him.
My dad and I have remained close. He helped me through a lot.
Every day gets better. Every day is a new day. 2010 is not going to be as bad as 2009. I let my guard down this year. I was a pansy and I'm not usually like that. He got to me, but I'm not letting that happen ever again. With anyone. Especially him.
I'm a young, strong, beautiful woman. I intend on being successful and happy, and I'm not letting anyone get in my way anymore.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Flying by
November is half over. It's really flying by. I can't say I'm terribly upset about that. The sooner this semester is over, the better.
2009 has been a very rough year for me. I keep hoping that it will get better. And it is. Little by little. But I'm still having a very hard time. Don't tell me to "learn to deal with life". I'm 19. I'm still growing. And I'm pretty sure that growing up, I went through some pretty serious shit that you guys only hear in stories. I know everyone has something that's fucked up. I've been through all kinds of things, but this has been the hardest year of my life. I have never cried so much.
Next semester is going to prove to be equally as interesting as this. (Though 2010 will treat me a little better). Next semester I'm continuing with chemistry and taking Organic 2. I'm also adding a minor. This may or may not be a good idea. But I feel like I need to add something else that I can focus on when chemistry becomes too much. So with that, I'm adding computer science as a minor.
Ha! Me. Adding computer science. As if chemistry wasn't enough. My dad called me an uber nerd. Of his 3 daughters, I can assure you that he never expected me to be the super nerd. But I know he's proud and it's something I enjoy, and that's really all that matters.
However, right now, I would not mind if organic chemistry just kind of fell out of existence.
There is not much else to report here. I will be going home next week for 4 days for Thanksgiving break. Hannah turns 9 that Sunday and we're going to Chuckie Cheese. (FUCK YEAH!). And I'm only going home for Christmas break for about 4 days as well. I have to work a lot and the only person I really want to see at home is my dad anyway. So we'll see what actually happens.
2009 has been a very rough year for me. I keep hoping that it will get better. And it is. Little by little. But I'm still having a very hard time. Don't tell me to "learn to deal with life". I'm 19. I'm still growing. And I'm pretty sure that growing up, I went through some pretty serious shit that you guys only hear in stories. I know everyone has something that's fucked up. I've been through all kinds of things, but this has been the hardest year of my life. I have never cried so much.
Next semester is going to prove to be equally as interesting as this. (Though 2010 will treat me a little better). Next semester I'm continuing with chemistry and taking Organic 2. I'm also adding a minor. This may or may not be a good idea. But I feel like I need to add something else that I can focus on when chemistry becomes too much. So with that, I'm adding computer science as a minor.
Ha! Me. Adding computer science. As if chemistry wasn't enough. My dad called me an uber nerd. Of his 3 daughters, I can assure you that he never expected me to be the super nerd. But I know he's proud and it's something I enjoy, and that's really all that matters.
However, right now, I would not mind if organic chemistry just kind of fell out of existence.
There is not much else to report here. I will be going home next week for 4 days for Thanksgiving break. Hannah turns 9 that Sunday and we're going to Chuckie Cheese. (FUCK YEAH!). And I'm only going home for Christmas break for about 4 days as well. I have to work a lot and the only person I really want to see at home is my dad anyway. So we'll see what actually happens.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Almost November
So there are only 3 days left in October. I feel like this semester is seriously just flying by, and I have nothing to show for it but crappy grades and a serious of breakdowns.
This semester has been really rough for me. Some may not know that because I don't really like to talk about it with everyone. My classes are much harder this semester and I've been experiencing a severe lack of motivation. I'm very aware that this is not good, so I got myself in gear and studied for my organic test for 6 straight days. And I failed it. And then I called my dad and cried it out. I was a bit of a wreck on Tuesday because I worked so hard and I looked like I didn't try at all. I was so disappointed in myself. I love chemistry, but everytime I fail, I have more thoughts about whether or not this is what I should be doing. However, I don't like anything else, and like I said, I like chemistry. So I'm kind of not sure what I should do :/. But my dad did say that he would pay for a professional tutor for me if I needed it. That might help, but I don't want to be that sister who can't even pass her classes for her major....but that's a totally different emotional rant.
Other than classes, I've been dealing with people. People who say they want to be my friends but then treat me like crap. I'm a person too, okay? Just in case you were unaware, I wanted to give you that reminder. I have feelings and I don't like to be fucked with. I've been fucked over so many times in the last few months by people who I trusted with everything and I'm really sick of it. So (in case you haven't noticed), I've take a step back. I haven't been around a lot lately and I've been keeping to myself. I'm tired of listening to people bitch about one another and I'm tired of being the butt of a lot of jokes.
OH. And don't tell me that I need to learn how to "deal with life better". I'm 19. I'm still growing up. I call my dad like every other day and rant, sometimes cry. But that's what I do. That's my life. I'm still learning and becoming the person I'm going to become. And if you don't like it, then don't fucking talk to me! It's that easy! *gasp*
Also, there's APO. Running for VP of Membership for this semester was probably not the best idea. I'm having fun with it, but it's stressing me the fuck out. Luckily, there's only two weeks until the pledges become activated as brothers and my job is pretty much done. But I will not be running for an office next semester seeing as I have a very busy schedule next semester already planned out.
Speaking of next semester....I'm taking (for sure) Organic Chem 2, Analytical Chem, and Precalc. And probably some gen ed that I throw in there to get an easy A. I'll be in lab 3 days a week next semester. So if you don't see me very much, I'll probably be in the library, hibernating, or dead. Just to be optimistic and all.
I'm really ready for this semester to be over. Actually, I'm really ready for this year to be over. This is not fun. College is supposed to be fun right? But you know, I'm learning a lot about myself. And about other people. But I guess that's what college is all about....
This semester has been really rough for me. Some may not know that because I don't really like to talk about it with everyone. My classes are much harder this semester and I've been experiencing a severe lack of motivation. I'm very aware that this is not good, so I got myself in gear and studied for my organic test for 6 straight days. And I failed it. And then I called my dad and cried it out. I was a bit of a wreck on Tuesday because I worked so hard and I looked like I didn't try at all. I was so disappointed in myself. I love chemistry, but everytime I fail, I have more thoughts about whether or not this is what I should be doing. However, I don't like anything else, and like I said, I like chemistry. So I'm kind of not sure what I should do :/. But my dad did say that he would pay for a professional tutor for me if I needed it. That might help, but I don't want to be that sister who can't even pass her classes for her major....but that's a totally different emotional rant.
Other than classes, I've been dealing with people. People who say they want to be my friends but then treat me like crap. I'm a person too, okay? Just in case you were unaware, I wanted to give you that reminder. I have feelings and I don't like to be fucked with. I've been fucked over so many times in the last few months by people who I trusted with everything and I'm really sick of it. So (in case you haven't noticed), I've take a step back. I haven't been around a lot lately and I've been keeping to myself. I'm tired of listening to people bitch about one another and I'm tired of being the butt of a lot of jokes.
OH. And don't tell me that I need to learn how to "deal with life better". I'm 19. I'm still growing up. I call my dad like every other day and rant, sometimes cry. But that's what I do. That's my life. I'm still learning and becoming the person I'm going to become. And if you don't like it, then don't fucking talk to me! It's that easy! *gasp*
Also, there's APO. Running for VP of Membership for this semester was probably not the best idea. I'm having fun with it, but it's stressing me the fuck out. Luckily, there's only two weeks until the pledges become activated as brothers and my job is pretty much done. But I will not be running for an office next semester seeing as I have a very busy schedule next semester already planned out.
Speaking of next semester....I'm taking (for sure) Organic Chem 2, Analytical Chem, and Precalc. And probably some gen ed that I throw in there to get an easy A. I'll be in lab 3 days a week next semester. So if you don't see me very much, I'll probably be in the library, hibernating, or dead. Just to be optimistic and all.
I'm really ready for this semester to be over. Actually, I'm really ready for this year to be over. This is not fun. College is supposed to be fun right? But you know, I'm learning a lot about myself. And about other people. But I guess that's what college is all about....
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Hello!
School has been lovely. I'm incredibly tired physically, mentally and emotionally. But it's been alright.
I'm a lot more optimistic about this year than I was a couple weeks ago. I don't give a shit about anything anymore. I'm here to do a job, and that is to graduate. And that is what I'm going to do. So I don't give a shit about your drama. :P
And btw, Bow Wow is on the Tyra Banks show right now, and DAYYYM he is fine. I would like one for Christmas this year. But only if he'll sing to me. Well, actually, I'll take anyone who'll sing to me haha :P so get on that!
Aaaaaand that's all I've got. My precalc quiz tomorrow can kiss my ass because I don't care.
Goodnight :)
I'm a lot more optimistic about this year than I was a couple weeks ago. I don't give a shit about anything anymore. I'm here to do a job, and that is to graduate. And that is what I'm going to do. So I don't give a shit about your drama. :P
And btw, Bow Wow is on the Tyra Banks show right now, and DAYYYM he is fine. I would like one for Christmas this year. But only if he'll sing to me. Well, actually, I'll take anyone who'll sing to me haha :P so get on that!
Aaaaaand that's all I've got. My precalc quiz tomorrow can kiss my ass because I don't care.
Goodnight :)
Friday, August 14, 2009
Oh hey :)
“In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it.”
Amen.
So I leave for school Sunday. I'm absolutely pumped about it :) The last week before I leave is always the worst. But I'm still sad to go. I'm going to miss my friends oodles and oodles. I already do :/
BUT. I'm very excited to get back to school and get a routine. I'm super pumped for APO this semester! :D And I'm soooooooooo excited for Kim to come back!! Plus, my girl Carolyn from home is coming to school at Lindenhood this year. She's super nervous, but super excited too :) And I'm so glad she'll be there!! :D
That's really it for now. Not much is going on. It's been pretty lame around here.
OH! I entered that modeling contest and I'll know the results at the beginning of September. So pumped!! :D
Amen.
So I leave for school Sunday. I'm absolutely pumped about it :) The last week before I leave is always the worst. But I'm still sad to go. I'm going to miss my friends oodles and oodles. I already do :/
BUT. I'm very excited to get back to school and get a routine. I'm super pumped for APO this semester! :D And I'm soooooooooo excited for Kim to come back!! Plus, my girl Carolyn from home is coming to school at Lindenhood this year. She's super nervous, but super excited too :) And I'm so glad she'll be there!! :D
That's really it for now. Not much is going on. It's been pretty lame around here.
OH! I entered that modeling contest and I'll know the results at the beginning of September. So pumped!! :D
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Blah
I had a really awesome emotional breakdown yesterday. Really. It was great.
1) I was hardcore pms-ing. Like, I was getting upset and crying over everything.
2) My friends were pissing me off. They were being obnoxious during the movie we were watching. And Carolyn has been pushing my buttons lately about some things that she really didn't need to worry about. It's my thing, I'll deal with it. And I did, sorry if she didn't like the result.
3) My mom canceled on me AGAIN. We were supposed to go school supply shopping this afternoon, but she called me yesterday and said we'd need to reschedule AGAIN. That was kind of my breaking point. She always cancels on me and I couldn't really handle it anymore.
On the bright side:
The biggest secret I've been hiding from my dad and stepmom for the last year is now out in the open and everything is cool. They took it very well and my dad and I had a very awkward conversation. It was really great. But awkward. But good.
FOUR days until I move back to school and start Leadership camp :)
ELEVEN days until Kim moves back!!! :D
I'M SO STOKED!!!!!!
1) I was hardcore pms-ing. Like, I was getting upset and crying over everything.
2) My friends were pissing me off. They were being obnoxious during the movie we were watching. And Carolyn has been pushing my buttons lately about some things that she really didn't need to worry about. It's my thing, I'll deal with it. And I did, sorry if she didn't like the result.
3) My mom canceled on me AGAIN. We were supposed to go school supply shopping this afternoon, but she called me yesterday and said we'd need to reschedule AGAIN. That was kind of my breaking point. She always cancels on me and I couldn't really handle it anymore.
On the bright side:
The biggest secret I've been hiding from my dad and stepmom for the last year is now out in the open and everything is cool. They took it very well and my dad and I had a very awkward conversation. It was really great. But awkward. But good.
FOUR days until I move back to school and start Leadership camp :)
ELEVEN days until Kim moves back!!! :D
I'M SO STOKED!!!!!!
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